everybody is moving on. they have lives to live, things they have to do. the only thing standing in their way is themselves. and yeah, thats messed up. because if i were to ever let myself get in the way, then i am just pathetic. im sorry to be so rude, but its ridiculous, to let you, and only you, get in the way of what you want. i am sayin this because i speak from expirence. i have missed out on so much. i was robbed of a proper childhood and rebellious teenage years, and non of it was at my expense. and i see all of these people who are letting their lives slip away and it is frustrating to watch. i want so badly for a chance to make up for the stolen time, but i cant, i have to just go with it. i have to accept that i missed out and it kills me everyday. but for those of you who are just sitting around wondering what to do with your life, get up and go! you dont really need to know wher or what you should do. just live. because you dont want to find yourself alone in your bedroom wishing you were able to get up and go. take advantage and live with no regrets because you can and i do not want to see another person stand in the way of their own dreams.
ok i am going to stand up for Blaine. the reason he flipped on sam was because he always gets put down enough from finn, he didnt want another person coming in and treating him bad. now i love finn and i understand that he was jealous, ok, but stop hating on blaine because he just wanted to have a voice in what was going on. he wasnt actually mad at sam, he had just hit his breaking point, and sadly, sam ended up in the middle. look at it from blaines point of view, he just wants to be apart of gleeclub and not fell like an outsider anymore.
I just dont understand why everything is so hard. i wish it werent, but it is. i try to move on and get on with my life, but its so hard. its not like a break up or something like that were you can get away from it. i cant. no matter where i go, there it is, destoying what little i have left. every says that i just need to get on with my life, but thats easy for them to say when this isnt there whole life now. my world revovles around this, my life is being ruined by this. and the worst part, i cant even rely on a hopeful future, cause i know what the future holds and u cant go through it again. i dont think there is one day that goes by that i have to force myself to show everyone that im fine, where as i am dying inside, physically and mentally. they all underestimate what i have to go through. but Cancer is nothing to underestimate, obviously, otherwise i wouldnt be going through this for a thrid time. i dont know how much longer i can hold on for. my grip is slipping, and just want to let go, but i know if i do, it wont change anything. ill just be hurt, paranoid, and still have cancer, but ill have crazy added to that list. I Just Dont Understand.
Sometimes i really wonder. im not big on crying. yet here i sit in the dark listening to love songs and cryin my eyes out. Why? Because my heart hurts. i dont want to be sitting the dark, crying. but when you just went to a dance, got hit on by the guy you like, then he slow dances with every other girl except you. when you figure out that every guy that you have devolped a crush on, and just when you think that it could be something, they go out with a different girl! and i am not just saying this because i am heartbroken. its true. because if i was lying, i would have had a boyfriend by now, i would have been kissed, i would have known what it was like to be in a relationship or even go on a single date! but none of that has happend! And im a junior! i know, you have the rest of your life for relationships, but i want to get some of my first done before im thrown into the world, and having a boyfriend, whether it was a good expirence or bad, is one them. but i cannot change myself or what i belive in for some guy that cant except me for who i am. i think i will die alone.
you know “Those Nights”. those nights where you had so much fun, pretty laid back. yet you leave even more confused about your feelings then when you showed up. those nights where when you get home, and for the next couple of days, you look back on it and you cant seem to figure what or how you feel. you rack your brain trying to find some explanation, you replay the moments in your head. yet you are still are so confused on the way you feel. *sigh* Those Nights.
So i am a huge movie buff. i absolutly love movies. but loving movies does have a price. you start to make reality more like hollywood. every guy cant match up to that one in that one movie. life is over all more devistating when you rely on movies to express the way that you are feeling. romantic comedies are the worst. the one movie genre a girl can not resist and yet it is probably the one that is farthest from the truth. and yet there we sit, watching them, hoping that one day our life will end up like a romantic comedy. we all want Heath Ledger to sing a song on the football field in front of everybody or Ryan Gosling giving up his womanizing ways, just for you. i am still hoping that one day that will happen, but i know that it wont, but there is nothing wrong with hoping and alittle imagining, is there?
Here is the trailer for New Year’s Eve, a film starring Ashton Kutcher, Sarah Jessica Parker, Robert De Niro, Katherine Heigl, Zac Efron, Josh Duhamel, Lea Michele and a bunch of other big names. The movie revolves around the lives of several couples and singles in NYC intertwined over the course of New Year’s Eve. The storyline seems very Valentine’s Day-ish, probably since the flick is directed by the same guy, but yeah, this looks good! Can’t wait!
first off, i am pretty sure that i am not that crazy, but i am told that my mind is not a place you would want to be for very long. so, if you are brave or even curious, i invite you to read what i have on my mind. it will most likely be random and full of useless information that only makes sense to, well, me. but i my have something you find funny or interesting or maybe even meaningful.
